It astonishes me when I enter a networking event, and 8 out of 10 people that I meet are nothing more then a salesperson focused on pitching everyone in the room rather than getting to know the person they're pitching. Maybe it's my own fault I'm being pitched, maybe I put out the vibe "pitch your crap to me" while I'm there.
But let me be perfectly clear: I don't want to be pitched. Does anybody?
I am a real estate broker, and I am a salesman. It has taken me a long time to admit this to myself, or even to feel that what I have to offer is important enough to blast it out to the world, but I'm here and it is a GREAT accomplishment.
For those of you that hide behind titles like "Loan Officer" or "Financial Adviser" or "Software Consultant", just admit that your a salesperson and move on! No one is going to understand your passion for what you sell unless you're proud of it. It just leads to a huge disconnect between your trustworthiness and your product/company.
If I approached you out of the blue at a networking event and said, "Have you ever heard of LIV Sotheby's International Realty?" You say 'no' with an annoyed tone and I go into this huge pitch about our marketing prowess, how we're known for luxury Colorado listings, how we're the best firm to choose when it comes to exposing your home to the right audience nationwide, and "oh by the way do you have a home to sell?" You'd probably say 'no' again because you have no idea who I am and what my reputation is --- even if you DO have a home to sell. We'd both walk away from that conversation frustrated because we wasted each other's time. Moreso it was ME wasting YOUR time.
Where is the actual conversation within that conversation? It's one-sided, and I'm a theater nerd, so that actually means it's a monologue. To be a conversation, you need to engage and have banter with the other person. In this first example, I'm just a salesman there to hit my numbers and hope for the best. And even if you are genuinely interested in what I do, I missed my opportunity because I came on so strong it was either intimidating or annoying, or both!
This type of disingenuous form of "getting to know someone" at a networking event is everywhere, and most of us don't even realize it because of the way our brain's are programmed. We think that talking about nothing important is better than saying nothing at all. It's that anxiety you feel when there's an awkward silence, or you feel obligated to strike up a conversation to be polite.
For example, what is small talk? What is it's purpose? Here's the definition:
Why are we being polite? Why talk if something is unimportant? If something is uncontroversial then everyone has the same opinion on it, and it becomes a moot point of discussion and serves no purpose!
It's positively disingenuous; again, you're engaging in a conversation you feel obligated to have simply because of an awkward silence. Pump some meaning into the things you talk about. If it's an old friend, start with "Hey Jim! Did you go skiing this weekend? It was a total bluebird day on Sunday". Don't say "Hey Jim, good weather we've been having lately, huh?"
This also assumes that you know Jim well --- let's pretend Jim is just another guy at a networking event that you haven't met. You walk up to a table of three that are already engaged in a conversation. Listen for a queue to step in and introduce yourself. Maybe they're talking about movies, something going on in the neighborhood you're in, some new restaurant, anything really. Then someone glances in your direction and the whole table finally notices you're there, creeping HARD and you want in on the conversation. That's your queue to say "Don't mind me, I was just listening! Brad Pitt was so good in Fight Club, right?" --- this also implies that you like Brad Pitt and you like Fight Club, but if you don't like either you can feel free to say the opposite. That's the beauty of being authentic, whether you agree or disagree (in an inoffensive way), people are still going to talk to you.
Having something worth saying is critical, you're not going to just come in and say "hi there", that would disrupt the flow and alienate you from the group. It's about first impressions and showcasing that you have some good things to contribute to the conversation... and the conversation will slowly and inevitably lead to the place you want it to go when you're networking. Someone will always ask, "so Derek, what do you do?"
Wow, now it's my time to shine and sell my business, and I didn't just ram it down their throats like in the other conversation. I've got an opportunity to talk about why I'm passionate about the things I sell. For example:
"I've always been passionate about helping my clients achieve the lifestyle they want for themselves. I work with clients that 'work to live' and not 'live to work'. Real estate is an investment: in your family, in your future financial health, and in your well-being. Whether you are improving upon your current lifestyle by selling your home and moving to a more suitable neighborhood or you are committing to the neighborhood you've rented an apartment in for years by purchasing your first home, I'm in the business of turning those dreams into reality." -Derek Chisholm (this is my business's Value Proposition).
This may sound corny, but it is why I'm in real estate sales. I value the opportunity to serve great people, I love helping people realize that they CAN afford to buy a home and stop renting, and nothing I do is about the commission I make. My commission is a positive by-product of the amazing work I do with my clients, and all my clients are amazing like-minded individuals to myself.
This dialogue won't work with everyone, however. I use this to attract the right clients and steer the wrong ones away. I'm not going to attract the stickler client that only cares about 'top dollar' and is a giant pain in the ass over the course of the transaction. Some other broker can have that deal and waste there time stressing every day it hangs on the market and then never being able to sleep at night.
Overall, what is the point of being disingenuous? What is the point of being polite and starting up "small talk" with someone? If you don't really care about the answer (or even the person you're with), why are you talking at all? "Good weather we're having" is not a door opener. "Another fan of Sam Adams, I see" is a good opener. It shows that I love beer, and that I'm hoping the other person does, too, so we can talk about something we both sincerely enjoy. If he doesn't actually care, well, that's where the conversation ends and we go our separate ways.
As many a book and public speaker have said, "life is too short." Your parents probably said that, too, and life is too short to be spending it doing things you don't want to do. What is the problem with being yourself, and having people actually enjoy the person you are underneath?
It took years to get here, but taking the inner self and making it exactly the same as my outer self has not only done wonders for my self-esteem but for my business entirely. By this time next year, I'll have closed two-and-a-half times as many deals as in 2018, and at higher price points then I've ever achieved before by doing nothing more than being myself. And these deals will have less hassle and more connected-ness with my clients than ever before.
I'm a firm believer in being authentic because the worst thing that can happen is that someone doesn't like you, and you can't expect to please everyone. And if that person truly doesn't like you, were you ever going to get along with that person anyway?
-Derek Chisholm
LIV Sotheby's International Realty
720.446.8559
DChisholm@LIVSIR.com
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